


Paradox Space is a Motherfucker

by Weevilo707



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU Crossover, Alternate Universe - College/University, Dragon AU, M/M, Silly, This Is Incredibly Silly, Troll Dave, Worldbuilding, dragon dave, dragon gamzee, lots of it went into the separate AUs, multiple AUs combining, species swap/trollification, the AUs are based on RPs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 06:58:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7498572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weevilo707/pseuds/Weevilo707
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One thing you've learned about life over your years is that it can be a major goddamn motherfucker sometimes. </p>
<p>Considering the multiple iterations of yourself and one of the people closes to you right now, you have a feeling that now is one of those times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paradox Space is a Motherfucker

The one thing you’ve learned about life over your years is that it can be a major goddamn motherfucker sometimes.

You might also be an idiot. That’s probably a pretty damn large factor in all of this as well. Look, there’s a fucking reason you hate magic, okay? Every time you get near it, either the walls start leaking nightmares or you get turned into a giant feathery asshole or a fucking snake monster is dealing your death and resurrection in the most traumatic way possible behind your back.

Or, what’s happening now with the whole three way dimensional portal thing you accidentally ripped open in Rose's study.

If Karkat doesn’t kill you, you're pretty sure one of these other Karkats’ll take care of that no problem.

“Sup?” you ask, figuring since this is your fault you should be the one to break the ice. The other two yous both look pretty stunned, one way more so than the other. Troll-you (which, huh. That’s different. Not that bad of a look for yourself if you’re being completely honest here, no worse than the feathers and shit you got going on) doesn’t seem quite as freaked, mostly just startled.

The other you looks the most normal out of the three of you. No feathers or horns or whatever the fuck, just regular human like. He's by far the most baffled, everything about him looking confused beyond all sense of comprehension. Any sense of control he could have had was thrown out of the trans-dimensional portal, and he’s just staring open mouthed and gapping between you and troll Dave.

“Fucking hell, just when I thought maybe paradox space was done with flipping the script on us. Just what in fresh fuck is going on now?” troll you asks, and yeah he’s definitely taking this about as well as you are. Which is better than you should be, but still freaking out a decent amount. 

“Dave what the _hell_ did you do?!” one of the Karkat’s yell. They both look pretty similar to your Karkat, both still trolls and neither of them are sporting any extra limbs like you. It’s the Karkat that’s with normal looking Dave, and he’s not yelling at you but at his Dave. You should probably think of a way to tell them apart. Plain Karkat and troll Karkat? They're both trolls but the one is with troll-you, so you guess it works. It's what you're going with for now until you can think of something better. 

“Nothing! Holy shit that motherfucker must’ve slipped something in our coffee,” Regular looking Dave says. He's glancing around him like he’s expecting something or someone else to jump out at any moment.

“Gamzee did not _drug_ us!” his Karkat yells and yeah okay it might be a good idea for you to try to offer some sort of explanation here.

“Whoa, yeah no it’s cool, no drugs have been involved in this experience. I mean, I don’t think so, I don’t know what’s going on in your lives you could’ve done something that’s completely unrelated to all of this,” you say, and that’s still probably not the best explanation you could have managed.

“No one is on any fucking drugs!” the troll Karkat shouts. There are so many Karkats. You’re pretty sure you’re going to get fucking scolded to the denizen and back for whatever the fuck you did and possibly starting what could be a ripple effect that destroys your entire universe, but there are so many Karkats. You’re pretty sure that fact alone makes it almost worth it.

“Look, featherbeast Dave, since you seem to have the best idea about what’s going on, do you think you could maybe explain?” troll Karkat asks, and yeah you figure it’s probably best to try to get them as settled as possible before someone else walks in here and makes it even more of a mess.

“Yeah sure thing, also dragon Dave is more accurate,” you tell him. It's not like that's the most dire detail right now, but you'd still like to set it right. Being a dragon is a lot cooler in your opinion than being a bird. 

“Oh my god!” plain Karkat groans, and you’re starting to wonder what the plain looking universe is like for them to be so freaked out by everything. You can't tell all that much from the clothes they're wearing or the room they're in. It's definitely odd looking, and their clothes are pretty plain but you can't quite figure out what the deal is. 

“Dragon? Seriously?” plain you asks. You nod all casual at him, because yeah, you’ve come to accept that aspect of yourself at this point. When it comes right down to it, as long as you have hands you're good. 

“Yep, if the universe doesn’t end up disintegrating around us I’ll tell ya all about it later,” you say. Before anyone else can get a word in and distract you any more you start to explain just what the fuck you think is going on.

“Okay, so I’m not entirely sure what happened. I’m technically not supposed to be up here in Rose’s tower, but I may or may not have lost a bet and promised to get Gamzee some spices out of here and my wings _might_ have knocked some shit over and surprise, inter-dimensional portals galore,” you say. It sounds really fucking stupid when you say it like that.

“I can’t fucking believe this,” troll Karkat grumbles, and you can understand the sentiment. You're still not quite believing all of this yourself. That might be the reason you're still so calm. 

“Dude what the hell are you doing?” plain you asks and you see his Karkat pressing at some weird little device in his hand.

“Telling Gamzee to get the fuck over here right now,” he answers, not looking up from the device.

“What? Why?” that Dave asks.

“Because either this is real, and I’m freaking the fuck out, or this is _not_ real and I’m freaking the fuck out even more! Either goddamn way I need to scream into my moirail’s shoulder,” he snaps. That Dave looks like he’s about to argue, but closes his mouth after a moment.

“Okay, I guess that’s fair,” he says at last.

“What the hell kind of magic is this alternate Rose messing with that’ll rip fucking paradox space apart like this by accident?” troll you asks and you just give him a big shrug.

“I try to stay as far away from it as possible, I don’t know and I don’t fucking want to know,” you tell them. Troll you nods in a very understanding way.

“Makes sense,” he says, and it’s nice to know that someone else gets you when it comes to magic. Even if that other person is you.

“Well, think you could get her so that she can try to patch up this goddamn mess?” Troll you’s Karkat asks. You’re frankly impressed with the synchronicity between you and the other two Dave’s objecting. You guess Rose isn’t much changed between universes. That’s nice to know.

“Uh,” a familiar voice cuts in, and you turn towards the door expecting to see Gamzee. The door’s still closed thankfully, and when you turn back towards the rip you see who you were expecting to. He's a bit different than you’re used to seeing him though.

This Gamzee doesn’t have any dragon wings jutting out of his back for one thing, and his feet are all normal and not like a lizard’s turned vaguely humanoid. You’ve only seen him look like that a couple of times when really goddamn relaxed. You’re usually pretty damn out of it by then too though, so you don’t tend to get a good look.

“Am I interrupting something?” he asks, and you guess this probably looks pretty damn odd for anyone just walking in on. It looks pretty damn odd to you.

“Yeah you walked in on the annual Daves and Karkats meeting, if you don’t leave we’re going to have to kill you,” troll you says. You’re not surprised that a version of you is able to joke in this situation.

“Motherfucker shut up, is this some sorta dream bubble? Thought we was free of all them ghost brothers now?” the Gamzee asks, and that makes next to no sense to you but you aren’t too surprised by that. It’s a Gamzee from another dimension. You can barely understand the Gamzee from your dimension sometimes.

“No, it’s not a dream bubble. Feath- er, dragon Dave over there apparently created some kind of fucking rip in paradox space,” that Karkat explains. You’d be a bit offended about having all of the blame shoved on you if it wasn’t kind of true. Or well completely true.

“Well motherfuck,” he says, and you guess that pretty accurately sums up this whole scenario.

“Okay, look, this doesn’t have to be a big deal,” you start, because you gotta get some control over this whole situation. “I mean, it sort of is yeah, but like, we just have to make sure as few people see this whole portal thing as possible until we figure out a way to close it up, and we’re good.” It shouldn’t be that hard. Well, closing it might be and you probably will have to get help from Rose. It’s not like you can hide the giant glowing portal in the middle of her office from her anyway, but it’s not the end of the world here.

“Keeping people away won’t be hard on this end. Or at least, everyone who’s around to see if you can trust,” Troll you says, and that’s good news.

“How the hell are we supposed to hide this in the goddamn dorm? What if they have one of those fucking safety checks? Why the fuck is this happening right now,” plain Karkat rambles, looking right on the edge of completely panicking.

“Safety check?” the other Karkat asks, and you’re just about at a loss as he is right now. Before either of them can answer the weird little device in that Karkat’s hand makes a noise.

“Gamzee’s here I need to go let him in,” he says, making a beeline for the door. The plain Dave turns with him but doesn’t actually move to follow after.

“Wait no Karkat don’t just leave me here with these people,” he practically begs.

“I’ll be right back,” the other calls before leaving the room. The troll Dave sighs heavily after a moment, starting to rub at his temples and yeah, you can understand the feeling.

“Okay, the plan to keep this portal hidden until you can figure out how to close it is a good one I think. Besides that we should try to keep everyone as separate as possible. Sorry Karkat but you should limit the chances of physically fighting with yourself as much as possible,” troll Dave says and yeah okay that makes sense. The other Gamzee chuckles a bit at that.

“Yeah best friend, try not to be getting salty at your other self,” he says. Something about the way they’re signaling Karkat out makes you think they have reasonable concern for him to fight with another version of himself and you’re kind of curious as to what would have caused that.

“I’m not going to argue with the other fucking Karkats okay?” he says. Before you can ask what’s that about or just try to figure out what to do about the whole situation the door in plain you’s room opens and the Karkat is back, along with another Gamzee.

“Whoa,” says the Gamzee from troll you’s universe, and meanwhile the other one is just staring and you have to admit the look on his face is fucking ridiculous. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Gamzee’s eyes open so wide before. You almost laugh, but you figure you should at least try to not be an asshole to these Gamzees. Would being an ass to them be considered cheating? Would doing _anything_ with them be considered cheating? These are the questions.

“Karkat, my brightest motherfucking diamond, I pity you more than anything I do, but there are entirely too many Striders in this block and I can’t fucking handle that,” the Gamzee says, and yeah okay you do end up snorting a little bit at that. “Why the fuck is one a featherbeast?” he adds and you’re actually laughing now.

“I don’t fucking know okay? Just stay here so I can freak out against you,” his Karkat says, and you figure you should explain the whole dragon thing to them sometime. Maybe not the whole story. There’s quite a few parts you’d like to keep any and all Gamzees from having to hear about, but you could definitely give them a run down.

“Oh what the fresh fuck is happening now?” troll you asks. You look back up and the portal seems to be flickering and fading a bit.

“Shit, maybe it’s just gonna go away on its own?” you guess. You hope that’s the case, you might be able to keep this from Rose then. Well, not that you were in here and knocked over some of her shit, but at least the fact that you opened up a rip in space time to other versions of yourself and the boys you’re dating.

“Fuck I hope so,” troll you echos your exact thoughts. The portal continues to fade away, but for some reason the people in the portal don’t seem to be going away.

“Wait shit what’s going on?” the plain Karkat asks, looking around frantically and yeah shit something doesn’t seem to be going right. Nothing so far has gone right but before you can do anything yet again things start to get even more out of control.

The good news is that the portal is gone. The bad news is that there are still six other people in the room with you.

“God _fucking_ damn it!” troll you’s Karkat yells, and yeah this is bad. 

“What’s going on now? Where’s our room how do we get back?” plain you asks, and those are very good questions.

“Uh, well it looks like the portal’s gone so I’m not too sure on that one,” you answer truthfully. Troll you in groaning into his hand, and you kind of appreciate the fact that everyone from that universe just seems inconvenienced more than anything. You’re pretty sure the other three are all about to have simultaneous heart attacks. You almost feel bad for them, it kind of seems like they must of had something passing for a normal life before all this. 

“Brother what’s taking you so long to grab me my spices, you’re witchy sis is gonna be back soon and, uh, and… fuck.”

You turn around to see your Gamzee standing in the doorway, wings drooped down behind him and a look of complete and utter confusion on his face.

“Something went wrong,” you say, and he just sort of nods vacantly back at you.

“You don’t say?” he mutters, disbelief clear in his voice. You don’t blame him for the shock, you’re still reeling quite a fucking bit yourself. It’s slowly sinking in that these doppelgangers are stuck here until you can figure out a way to bring that portal back and send them home.

You have a feeling it’s going to be a long couple of days. Weeks? Years?

Fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> this is incredibly silly.


End file.
